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Sweat Like You Mean It
By Ruby Des Jardins
Ah, the bike date. Exercise. Fresh air. Opportunity to admire someone’s
butt and legs, or let them admire yours.
My favorite: “Hey let's go for a ride! Let's bike down to
Garfield
Park. Let's sit here. Gosh, I'm hungry. I wonder if there's
anything in my giant messenger bag? Oh wait, here's a big ol' blanket,
and a tupperware of fresh papaya and lime, and some homemade vegan
potato salad with mayonnaise because I know how you feel about factory
farming, baby.” Think a surprise picnic sounds cheesy? Try
it. Your date will melt in to a sighing puddle of awe. You're welcome.
For the ‘fraidy cats: Scared to ask them out? Fearing you’ll
ruin a friendship or rush a casual acquaintance? Try the old, “I’m
having some people over to bbq in the backyard and I wanna go to
the farmers market first. Will you come along and help me cart stuff
back?” Then bike on down to your local
farmers market. They’re such sensual places. Taste this!
Smell this! Hold up strange vegetables, ask your date if they know
how to cook them. Mmm, go home and cook together – how intimate.
Remember, there’s nothing you can’t grill! Fruit, veggies,
cookies, twizzlers. It all tastes better after coming close to the
fire.
The Broke and the Cheap: Don't worry. Bikes and summer weather make
any date exciting. Lift the couch cushions, gather your linty coins,
& guzzle a couple forties simultaneously. Then pedal on over
to Humboldt Park most any Sunday after 2 p.m. Settle on the grass
and watch the wonder that is
bike polo. Now, as you witness your date screaming and cheering
for the most ridiculous of games, close your eyes. Envison her mere
minutes ago when she was slowly sipping a sweating bottle of malt
liquor bigger than her head. Wonder if, maybe, you've finally found
the ultimate partner in crime. Calm down and watch bike polo, it's
funny and impressive at the same time. Like you.
Got a nighttime date where you’re too broke to date all proper
with dinner? Well,
Empty Bottle has free live music most Monday nights. Last night
was metal.
Or fake a flat near your house, bring your date inside while you
try to “fix” it. Fail to find the hole. Spend the night
making out on the couch.
Other upcoming awesome bike dates:
Bike
Film Festival August 15 to 18, Sadie Hawkins Race in November,
Sing-Along Grease www.musicboxtheatre.com/grease.html (through June
3) and Sing-Along Buffy June 8 and 9 both at The
Music Box
Final thoughts: Bike over to the Millennium Park Bean with your
sweetie. Call it “Cloud Gate” and giggle because no
one calls it that. Have you been there on a warm day and watched
the little kids lick it? Tongue to tongue with their wiggly bean
selves? That's right, now it’s your turn to lick the bean
with your prospective partner or partners. So many pairs of lips
and reflected spit – go on with your bad self. Then swallow
some Purell. Smear it all over your face, roll in the grass. Oh
sticky green faces, look what you have here — a real Chicago
romance. Huzzah.
Ruby Des Jardins is the Social Marketing Director at the Chicagoland
Bicycle Federation
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